Breaking the Taboo: Shedding Light on Pregnancy and Infant Loss
When I experienced my first pregnancy loss, I felt trapped in silence. My partner and I were young adults, committed to a "childfree" life, and had been vocal about not wanting kids. But when I miscarried, it wasn’t just the loss of a pregnancy—it was the loss of something I didn’t realize I could mourn. It was hard to grieve for a life I didn’t plan, and harder still to open up to anyone when, from the outside, it didn’t seem like something I was supposed to feel deeply about. After all, hadn’t we told everyone we didn’t want kids?
A few years later, after having my son and committing to being "one and done," I faced another unexpected loss. Even though we weren’t mentally or financially prepared for another child, the grief came all the same. I found myself grieving the loss of someone I would have loved dearly, even though it wasn’t part of the plan. I felt the weight of judgment and accusation whenever I thought about the loss. I needed space to grieve, but it felt like that space didn’t exist for people like me.
Pregnancy and infant loss is a profoundly painful experience that many individuals and families endure, yet it remains shrouded in silence. For generations, societal norms have encouraged grieving parents to keep their loss private, leaving them isolated in their sorrow. However, breaking this silence is crucial. By fostering open conversations about pregnancy and infant loss, we can promote healing, spread awareness, and offer essential support to those who grieve.
The Silence Around Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Despite its frequency, pregnancy and infant loss are topics rarely discussed openly. Miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death affect millions of families worldwide. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 2.6 million babies are stillborn every year, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report that 10 to 15% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Yet, many parents who experience these losses feel a deep sense of shame, guilt, or failure. Societal expectations often discourage public mourning or sharing these experiences, leading to a culture of silence. This silence can be damaging, preventing parents from receiving the empathy, understanding, and support they desperately need.
The Healing Power of Open Conversation
Talking about pregnancy and infant loss can be a powerful step toward healing. When parents are encouraged to express their grief, they can begin to process their emotions in a healthy way. Bottling up feelings or hiding one’s pain often exacerbates emotional suffering, leading to prolonged grief, depression, or anxiety.
By breaking the silence, we also normalize the experience of grief after pregnancy or infant loss. Every parent deserves the space to grieve their lost child, and discussing these experiences openly can provide comfort and solidarity. As more individuals share their stories, others may feel less alone in their struggles, creating a sense of community and shared resilience.
Open conversations also offer a path to closure. For many parents, the loss of a child is an experience that lingers. Even years later, acknowledging that loss and its impact can help parents move forward while still honoring the memory of their baby.
Raising Awareness and Education
Another critical benefit of talking about pregnancy and infant loss is the potential for raising awareness. Many people are simply unaware of the frequency of such losses and the profound emotional toll they take on families. By sharing stories and discussing the realities of miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death, society can gain a better understanding of these issues.
Raising awareness also helps dispel common myths and misconceptions surrounding pregnancy loss. For example, some people might incorrectly believe that a miscarriage is always the result of something the mother did wrong. Open conversation can challenge these falsehoods and replace them with empathy, education, and respect for the grieving process.
Providing Support to the Grieving
Perhaps the most vital reason for breaking the silence is to create networks of support for those who are grieving. Too often, families dealing with pregnancy and infant loss feel isolated, as friends, family members, or colleagues may not know how to provide comfort. When pregnancy loss is not talked about, it can be difficult for loved ones to offer the right kind of support.
By fostering a culture where discussing pregnancy loss is normalized, we make space for supportive dialogue. Grieving parents are more likely to receive the emotional and practical support they need—from friends lending a listening ear to community resources like counseling services, support groups, or hotlines. Many organizations already exist to provide assistance, such as the March of Dimes or Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, but they can only help those who know about them. Open conversations ensure that grieving parents are aware of these resources and can seek help when needed.
Creating a Cultural Shift
In order to break the silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss, we must push for a cultural shift. This change starts with empathy, education, and dialogue. It is crucial for society to acknowledge the pain of pregnancy loss and stillbirth, treat it as a legitimate form of grief, and give parents the freedom to mourn their lost children without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.
Moreover, this shift requires workplaces, healthcare providers, and communities to better support families in mourning. From offering bereavement leave to facilitating access to counseling services, practical steps can be taken to ensure that parents have the tools they need to cope with their grief.
In the years since my losses, I’ve come to understand that no one should have to endure grief in silence. Like so many others, I felt judged and misunderstood for mourning when the circumstances didn’t fit neatly into society’s expectations. But grief doesn’t follow rules, and it shouldn’t have to.
By breaking the silence, we make room for all forms of grief—whether it’s the loss of a child long hoped for or the loss of an unplanned pregnancy that still leaves a mark on your heart. No one should ever have to feel they are not allowed to mourn. By talking openly, we not only honor those we’ve lost but also find healing and community in the process.
Breaking the silence isn’t just about starting a conversation—it’s about creating a space where healing can truly begin.
